50 Years

I posted this on Facebook on December 20, 2018 as a tribute to my first marriage to my late wife Sue, and also to my marriage to Janet.

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Today would have been my 50th anniversary with my late wife Sue. On December 20, 1968, neither the thought of 50 years going by, nor the thought of her dying at a relative young age was in my mind. When she went to be with the Lord in 2001, I was utterly distraught. The thought of ever getting married again seemed like an impossibility and maybe even a betrayal. Then Janet came into my life in 2003, and I soon experienced in a very real and practical way that the Lord in His love and grace both gives and takes away.

Being married to Janet does not negate the reality of my love for Sue. Likewise, Sue in my past does not negate the reality of my love for Janet. One does not replace the other. The Lord has blessed me twice far beyond what I could possibly deserve. There is no way to explain to anyone who has never been through it what it is like to lose a spouse in death and then have the Lord provide a whole new situation. Neither Janet nor I would have wanted our first spouses to die, but we continue to praise the Lord for His great love and faithfulness to us.

Mike Pence Values His Marriage - What a Scandal!

I have seen politicians criticized and vilified for some really Bozo reasons, but this latest about Vice President Mike Pence is really over-the-top. He has a standard that he will not go out to dinner alone with any women other than his wife. Some are equating that with Sharia Law, and others are saying it clearly means he would never hire a woman to any position of importance. Now that is STUPID. Of course, if he were to be out with a woman other than his wife, no matter what the reason, there would be pictures posted all over the place along with stories of an alleged affair.

The critics need to do better than that, or they need to just give up and go away. I don't know what else to say about it. It seems the reality is that he loves his wife and values his marriage. Is that wrong, just because so many in our culture have ignored and/or rejected such values? His standard in this matter is wise and Biblical. Criticism of such a standard reveals the heart of the critic.

"...do not let your good be spoken of as evil..." (Romans 14:16, NKJV).

"...having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed" (I Peter 3:16, NKJV).

"For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men..." (1 Peter 2:15, NKJV).

"...in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you" (Titus 2:7-8, NKJV).

Changing the Meaning of Words

Much could be said, and much will be said and written about the Supreme Court's decision on the "same-sex marriage" issue. The following statement by Chief Justice Roberts sums up the legal situation quite well.

"This court is not a legislature … Whether same-sex marriage is a good idea should be of no concern to us. Under the Constitution, judges have power to say what the law is, not what it should be … The fundamental right to marry does not include a right to make a State change its definition of marriage … Five lawyers have closed the debate and enacted their own vision of marriage as a matter of constitutional law…" (Chief Justice Roberts).

This statement is well-thought out and well-reasoned. However, it is interesting to note that the Chief Justice used almost the exact opposite reasoning in his opinion on Obama Care. We need justices who will consistently interpret what the Constitution says, not what they want it to say. “Words mean things."

The bottom line on the "same-sex marriage" decision is that no court, not even the Supreme Court, has the right or authority to change the definition of marriage. God originated marriage, and His definition is the only valid one. Our government has now given "hearty approval" (Romans 1:32) to something of which God does not approve, and more than that, He calls it sin.

Truth is not determined by what people like or what makes them feel comfortable. It doesn't really matter if people don't like the truth. Truth is truth. God's Word is truth (John 17:17), and it would be very wise for those in leadership of our nation to heed that reality before it is too late.

Valentines Day

By My Anonymous Friend

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I am always intrigued how such special occasions and traditions get started. Was it Hallmark trying to find still another special day to sell cards? Or was it florists and candy makers marketing their particular products? How unromantic you say!!

Most people will say that Valentine's Day originated with St. Valentine. But which one? There are two for sure and likely a third early church leader named Valentine. The first two lived and died in the 3rd Century and the third St. Valentine is believed to have been martyred in Africa. None of them had any relationship with things romantic whatsoever. According to legend, one of the Valentines violated the edict of the Roman emperor that soldiers remain single and married many of them secretly. That may seem at least somewhat romantic. Another legend that has evolved is that Valentine, on the night before his execution, wrote a letter to the daughter of his jailer and signed it "From your Valentine!" There is no factual basis for this legend however, but it sounds romantic enough. In 1382 Chaucer wrote a poem which begins, "For this was sent on Valentine's Day." It is the first linking of things romantic with Valentine. Other parts of the poem however suggest that it was written several months after February 14. We will never know and it does not really matter. In the early 1800's printers began creating Valentine cards, and so the tradition has evolved to this day. It is estimated that in the US close to 200,000,000 Valentine cards are sent each year. In 2010 about 15 million e-cards were sent via the internet. In some cultures the traditions of Valentine’s Day run strongly against the political or religious ideologies of its leaders. For example in Iran today, any printing and distribution of any items promoting the holiday are banned. Those who violate this law will be legally dealt with!

So much for the unexciting historical background of Valentines's Day. The concept of expressing love to those dearest to us is a very good one obviously and it is good to have one day set aside when particular attention is devoted to it. Hopefully, it is not the only day we say "I love you" to those nearest and dearest to us.

Love is defined by some as a chemical addiction whose greatest goal is reproduction. Indeed a myriad of chemical reactions take place in the brain when the subject of love comes up. I suppose this is why we say we have or do not have "chemistry" with another person. It is an amazing and miraculous part of how the Creator designed humanity. Were it not so academic and unromantic I would go into more detail, but I have already set too much of an academic tone in this email.

Love is a basic component in all interpersonal relationships. It is one of the most common themes in the arts. Philosophically and theologically speaking, love is the highest human virtue. It can express a fondness for certain things as in "I love sports!." It can also refer to passion and romantic and sexual love. Theologically love is the basis and foundation for all being. It is the highest description we can ascribe to God. Such diversity of meaning and application makes love hard to explain with distinction. We do know that love is essential to life. George Sand said it this way: “There is only happiness in life, to love and be loved.”

I agree. I wish to pay tribute today to the person I love most on this earth-- my wife. (-----) and I first met on April 16, 1967. I remember the location and time as if it were yesterday (well almost like yesterday). Our first date took place on April 30. She says it was my persistence that won her over. Persist I did. On that April Sunday when we first met, I told a friend that I had just met my wife. He reads these emails and can verify that statement I made then. We were engaged to be married on Dec. 31, 1967 but since we were students at Moody Bible Institute and the school was not fond of students marrying, we waited, and waited, and waited for what seemed like an eternity. On August 16, 1969, our wedding day finally came. Now, almost 42 years later, the anxieties of waiting are more of a distant memory. We have lived in various places, traveled to many destinations, seen four wonderful children come into our family, experienced many joys and sorrows too, but always we have journeyed together. We do so now as we live as "empty nesters." I sometimes think that (-----) has been part of roughly 67% of every experience I have had in my entire life from birth to today.

This past week I attended a college basketball game which honored its seniors. The parents or friends of these athletes joined them on the court and were showered with flowers and plaques and other gifts. As so often happens nowadays, the parents of athletes have been divorced and remarried. Often the mother is introduced with a name different from that of the father. Sometimes only one parent is present because the other has begun a new life elsewhere. It is awkward sometimes and I always wince in my spirit at such occasions. I am very happy to say that my children's parents BOTH have the same name and are together after all these years. Thanks (-----) for being my Valentine for all these years!

I hope you have a very special Valentine too and I hope he or she knows what a special Valentine you are to each other. If you do not have such a person today and some who read this do not, I hope you will find one soon! Happy Valentine's Day to all of you.

I KNOW WHAT IT SAYS, BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

There are many today who approach the Bible from quite a different perspective than those of us who grew up believing it to be the infallible Word of God, our only rule of faith and practice. The continuing questions about its accuracy and reliability can be very frustrating when it seems so obvious that the Bible is not something to be questioned. However, we live in an era when many, even in the church, are so consumed with pop psychology and political correctness that they simply cannot submit to the simple, straightforward teaching of the Word of God. To some, it has become all about “what it means to me,” “how I feel about it,” and “does it make me comfortable?”

Often, the Scriptures are used to teach the very opposite of what they actually say. This is done by clever, sometimes scholarly-sounding manipulation of words, often by self-appointed experts with little knowledge of the Bible, in order to make a passage of Scripture say other than what it actually says. The Bible warns against such misapplication of truth. “…just as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given him, wrote to you, as also in all his letters, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable distort, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures, to their own destruction” (2 Peter 3:15-16, NASB). When confronted with something in the Scriptures that may be hard to understand or hard for man’s ego to accept, there are always those who are willing to distort the clear meaning or wrest it from its context to make it say what is more comfortable.

The Scriptures say that there are some who are “willingly ignorant” of the truth (2 Peter 3:5, KJV) or that they “deliberately overlook” the facts (ESV). In the NKJV, it says they “willfully forget.” The NASB says it “escapes their notice.” No matter how it is said, it is quite clear that some simply choose to ignore the truth of Scripture, and become as one teacher said, “dumb on purpose,” and they do so at their own peril.

One thing we hear frequently today is the title of this article: “I know what it says, but what does it mean?” Such a question, at best, borders on the ridiculous. I remember hearing Ken Ham, the creationist speaker, respond to this by saying, “If you come to a big red sign that says S-T-O-P, it wouldn’t make any sense to say, ‘I know what it says, but what does it mean?’ I’m not sure it can mean anything if it doesn’t say anything.” Mr. Ham was exactly correct.

A common practice is to use the Scriptures to justify pre-conceived beliefs. For example, if someone wants to believe that God did not really create the universe and all that is in it in six days, then it is a simple matter to reinterpret the Bible and make it say what is desired. For example, if such a Bible actually existed, the “Politically Correct Self-Esteem Version” (PCSEV) might say, “In several million years the Lord allowed the heavens, the earth, the sea, and all that is in them to come into being.” This would indicate that there was no specific, direct creative act by our omnipotent God, but instead, there is plenty of room for evolution and all of the other human opinion that so often comes into play when men try to tell God what He means.

What does Bible actually say? "For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them” (Exodus 20:11, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

Sin is an unpopular issue in today’s culture. The idea that there is a standard of which we all fall short is not at all politically correct. As a result, we get self-serving, popular opinions and reinterpretations of the Scriptures, such as, “All have made mistakes and can find relationship with God difficult unless they work hard to find a proper level of self-esteem.”

But what does the Bible actually say? “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

The biblical teaching of the penalty of sin is likewise unpopular. Would God really hold people accountable and bring judgment on them because of sin? Isn’t He a God of love? Doesn’t the word “love” completely define the very essence of who and what God is? In light of this, the Bible ought to say, “The cost of making mistakes is independence from God, but the reward of seeking a relationship with God is personal comfort and high self-esteem.”

But what does the Bible actually say? “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

And of course there’s this business of salvation. Isn’t it kind of a put-down of modern humanity to say there is need of a savior because of our sin, and to make it more humiliating, there is nothing we can do about it in our own strength? Aren’t we better than that? Won’t God accept our efforts on our own behalf? So we arrive at a new interpretation of Romans 10:9. “If you confess with your mouth your own deity, and believe in your heart that you are truly God, you will find yourself at one with nature and your own self-esteem.”

But what does the Bible actually say? “That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

What about this stuff about the sovereignty of God in all areas, including salvation? Doesn’t such a doctrine violate the “free will” of man? Does it not make man totally powerless and give God much too high a standing? Does it not reduce man a mere puppet to be manipulated by God? A new approach to this doctrine is as easy as rewording the Scripture to say what feels good. “When the people heard this, they began rejoicing and glorifying themselves; and as many as believed and sought a relationship with God were, as a consequence, appointed to eternal life.”

But what does the Bible actually say? “When the Gentiles heard this, they began rejoicing and glorifying the word of the Lord; and as many as had been appointed to eternal life believed” (Acts 13:48, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

Another very unpopular teaching is that there are “rules” for Christians to follow. After all, “I am free in Christ.” It almost seems as if some would use The Shack as their Bible. A nice, convenient, comfortable rewording of the Scripture might say, “If you love me, and yourselves, you will seek a relationship with me (unless of course you find a relationship with me uncomfortable and not to your liking).”

But what does the Bible actually say? "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments” (John 14:15, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

We live in a day in which the value and even the definition of marriage has been undermined. The biblical view of “one man and one woman for life” has been replaced by “any two (or sometimes more) people together for as long as they feel like staying together.” So it would be easy for someone to re-write the Bible to say, “Persons, love your significant others, at least while you feel like staying together.”

But what does the Bible actually say? “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

Even though the simple matter of church attendance is quite clear in the Scriptures, it is not necessarily popular among professing Christians today. Some feel they can worship God in their own way – in the mountains, at the beach, etc. After all, “the weekend is mine, and I need to relax after a hard week at work. And besides, I don’t like the music, and I don’t like the pastor’s annoying preaching style. I would rather go where people will listen to my opinion instead of my having to listen to a sermon from the Bible.” It is almost as if some believe the Bible says, “Going to church can be a good thing, but only if it makes you feel comfortable and gives you what you want to hear, which will encourage you, and all the more as you realize how important it is to have your needs met.”

But what does the Bible actually say? “Not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25, NASB). That’s what it says. That’s what it means.

It would be quite easy to think of many more examples, but there is really no necessity. Anything in the Scriptures that people don’t like can be dismissed through twisting the words and meaning to make it say what is desired. The Bible tells us that when people refuse sound doctrine, they will seek out teachers who will twist the Scriptures for them. ^“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4, NASB).

We need to take a proper approach to the study of the Scriptures, realizing that the Bible says what it means and means what it says. This can be summarized as follows:

“When the plain sense of Scripture makes common sense, seek no other sense; therefore, take every word at its primary, ordinary, usual, literal meaning unless the facts of the immediate context, studied in the light of related passages and axiomatic and fundamental truths, indicate clearly otherwise” (Dr. D.L. Cooper).

This has been restated as follows:

1. If the literal sense makes good sense, seek no other sense, lest it result in nonsense.

2. If the literal sense makes NO sense, seek another sense until it makes good sense.

3. If the literal sense seems to make good sense, but appears to be in contradiction to other parts of the Word, use cross-references, check original Hebrew or Greek, check context, tenses of words, arrangement of contradictory words and see other translations.

www.gnbcbible.com

These are good guidelines. As we study the Scriptures, our best approach is, “That’s what it says. That’s what it means.” What’s so hard about that? We either believe what God has said or we choose to let our opinions rule, which is a very dangerous way to interpret and understand the Bible.

The Proverbs 31 Woman

Shortly after my first wife Sue went to be with the Lord in 2001, I sat down and put a number of thoughts on paper. By the time I was finished, I had a book. It was very helpful to me to do this, and I am hopeful that if the book is ever published, it will be a source of encouragement to other believers who have lost their spouses. The title of my book is Let Her Works Praise Her: A Life That Counted. I wrote the book within six months of her death, and some of it was quite raw, reflecting as it does my emotional state at the time. It would be impossible to write those things in exactly the same manner today.

I am a man most blessed. Six years ago, two years after Sue’s death, the Lord gave me another wonderful wife – my Janet – who is my second Proverbs 31 woman. Janet is now, as Sue once was, the perfect wife for me. No one deserves or has a right to expect such a double blessing, but I can only accept His blessings by His grace from the hand of the One who loves me with an everlasting love.

Chapter 4: The Proverbs 31 Woman

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

(Proverbs 31:10, NASB)

If a man truly loves and adores his wife, he will believe she is the best of the best. He will praise God for her and be thankful for every moment he has with her. When I say I had the very best, that is in no way meant to be disrespectful to anyone else’s wife. However, I can truthfully say that Sue was the perfect wife; she was certainly the perfect wife for me. The Lord gave us to each other because He made us for each other. We complemented each other’s skills, abilities, and temperaments. We balanced each other. We were a team. We were one.

At my request, Pastor Jeff Clark of Valley Evangelical Free Church of Hemet read Proverbs 31:10-31 from Sue’s own Bible during the memorial service. He commented that just handling and seeing her Bible—how used it was, how worn it was, how marked it was—told him that she was a woman of Scripture. That she definitely was, and she was the very essence of the Proverbs 31 woman.

The Proverbs 31 woman is rare and hard to find.

“An excellent wife, who can find?” (Proverbs 31:10, NASB). That question may mean even more in modern day America than it did when it was first written. It certainly implies that not every woman is a Proverbs 31 woman. However, any woman who knows the Lord most certainly ought to strive to be such a woman, just as every man who knows the Lord ought to strive to be the kind of godly man the Scriptures describe in so many places.

Our culture has done great harm to the entire concept of the Proverbs 31 woman. Young ladies are routinely taught, even in Christian circles, that the virtues of godly womanhood are old fashioned and out-of-date and that a woman’s real worth is only related to her employment outside the home and the amount of money she earns. Advertising generally pictures the working woman as a business executive at or near the top of a large corporation. That is truly preposterous, and the reality is that many women work outside the home in very routine jobs out of necessity to supplement family income. That is frequently unavoidable and does not negate the potential in every Christian woman to be a Proverbs 31 Woman.

God places great value on the woman who lives up to the standards of Proverbs 31, and that has not changed because we are in the Twenty-first Century. My lovely, loving, wonderful Sue was every bit a Proverbs 31 woman, and I will be eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father and to her for that fact.

The Proverbs 31 woman is worth more than any earthly possessions.

“For her worth is far above jewels” (Proverbs 31:10, NASB). My wife was, to me, worth far more than money or any other earthly thing. She was the essence of wealth. To have known her, loved her, had her for my sweetheart and best friend, and to have been one with her for over thirty-two years was one of the greatest treasures I have received in this life.

When I received the life insurance money, I cried, knowing that no amount of money would ever replace my dear, sweet, loving, precious Sue. Yet I praise her for providing for me in such a way by insisting, just eight years before her death, that we buy a life insurance policy on her. I had provided well for her in the area of life insurance, especially while the children were at home. It was unthinkable to me that she should be left with little or nothing if something should happen to me. However, I never really even thought about the possibility that the Lord might call her home first. Her love and concern for me caused her to prod me into buying the insurance, so she continues to give to me even now. I praise her for that.

The Proverbs 31 woman is worthy of her husband’s trust in every way.

She does not demand more than he can provide. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:11, NASB). I never had any reason to doubt Sue’s love, faithfulness, integrity, or loyalty to me and to our family. I trusted her implicitly in every area of our lives. Never did I concern myself with her wisdom in the use of money. It was never my money and her money. It was always our money, and we agreed about how it was to be used. I did not have to make the big bucks to make her happy. She was content with what we had, and the Lord blessed us greatly. She was diligent and frugal, and I did not have to stretch beyond our means to meet her needs and desires.

The Proverbs 31 woman works with her husband toward common goals and purposes.

“She does him good and not evil All the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12, NASB) Sue did me so much good every day we were together that I can only scratch the surface in describing it. She loved me and our sons unconditionally. She met my needs and the needs of our sons. She always sensed when something was bothering me or one of the boys, and she did everything she could to soothe the hurts, calm the feelings, and meet the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. As much as she cared for others, her own family always came first because she knew it was a gift from our Heavenly Father. She never said anything bad about me or our boys to anyone. She was our greatest fan and champion in anything we did. She was always available to us when we needed her. She was always willing to put her own needs and desires on hold when there were family situations that needed her attention. She always did me good—never evil, “all the days of her life.”

The Proverbs 31 woman is diligent and hard-working.

“She…works with her hands in delight…She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household…She girds herself with strength, And makes her arms strong…Her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle” (Proverbs 31:13-19, NASB). Sue did all the things a homemaker does. She took care of her children. She took care of her husband. She kept the house clean. She loved to putter around outside keeping up the shrubs and flowers. She saw to it that our needs for clothing and other such things were met. She was a great cook and always had food prepared for her family. She always did these things in such a loving manner.

For many years until she began working part-time, she was thought of by some as “just a housewife.” In the minds of many, a term such as “housewife,” or even the more "politically correct" term “homemaker,” is descriptive of someone who is too lazy to work, has chosen to live a wasted existence, or perhaps is enslaved by her husband. Such a view utterly ignores not only the value of the work of being a wife and mother but the amount of work it entails. To presume a woman does not work because she is a stay-at-home wife and mother is to be ignorant of reality.

By contrast, Sue saw being a wife and mother as nothing less than the high calling of God. She believed, as the Scriptures teach, that meeting the needs of her husband, faithfully raising her children, and keeping the family unit intact were far too important to entrust to outsiders. She worked at it, and she did so diligently because she loved her family so very much.

The Proverbs 31 woman sees beyond her immediate family to the needs of others.

“She extends her hand to the poor; And she stretches out her hands to the needy” (Proverbs 31:20, NASB). This is an area which developed in Sue’s life more and more as the years went by. Without ever neglecting her own family, she found ways to show kindness, mercy, and encouragement to many, many people in their times of need. One of the things she continually did was write notes of encouragement to others. No doubt she literally wrote thousands of such notes over the years, always with encouraging words and appropriate Scripture verses. People did not forget this kindness that she performed so consistently in the lives of so many. The Lord has not forgotten it either, and her rewards will be great in Heaven. “For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints” (Hebrews 6:10, NASB). Much will be said about this part of her ministry in later chapters.

While I was aware that she did many good things for others, I really was staggered by how many people she had touched, as evidenced by the approximately 800 people who came to her memorial service on a Thursday at 11:00 A.M. There can be little doubt that, had it been on a Saturday, even more would have been there. She touched many, many lives in many, many ways.

The Proverbs 31 woman is frugal and diligent.

“She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land” (Proverbs 31:21-23, NASB). Sue found ways to stretch every dollar so that we never lacked anything we needed and never felt deprived of anything. She made and mended clothing. She found bargains by searching diligently. She cut my hair. She cut our boys’ hair. She cut her own hair. I’m sure this alone saved thousands of dollars over the years.

Sue so often set aside her own desires for the needs of our family. She had wanted a horse ever since she had one as a teenager, but she willingly gave up that dream for the sake of saving for our sons’ college educations, braces for all three boys, and a multitude of other pressing needs. It gave me such tremendous pleasure to see her joy when we were finally able, after college bills were paid, to buy her a horse by the name of Rebel. She was able to enjoy him for the last two and a half years of her life. That is one of those areas on which I do not have to look back with regret, wishing we had done differently. Her frugal and careful nature would never have allowed her to do something like that before we could afford it, and I praise the Lord that He provided the means for her to have her beloved Rebel before her life on earth ended.

Sue always dressed nicely and looked great. She frequently received compliments on how she looked. Very few people realized that almost all her clothing came from, as we both frequently said, the rag bag. She went to yard sales, thrift stores, and department store sales when there would be 50% or more off the already discounted sale price. It got to the point that it was much cheaper to shop like this than it was to sew, so she saved the sewing time for other things. Many times we would be at church or somewhere and someone would compliment her outfit, and she would quietly nudge me and, with a little laugh, say something like, “Did you know I only have $6.50 in this whole outfit?” She loved that. She certainly took no pride in flaunting some special brand of expensive clothing.

Sue even did her best to make me look good as I went to school day by day, and that was no small task. Left to my own devices, I tend to have what she called “the rumpled look.” Lt. Columbo certainly had nothing on me in that area. Sue used her knack for finding bargains to get quality clothing for me at very reasonable prices. Because of my colorblindness, she would lay out my outfit each day. I praise her for that because I have no clue what goes together. Frequently, people would say something like, “Your wife dressed you nicely today,” and I generally took the opportunity to say something nice about her. I was told that one of my students, a high school girl, upon hearing of Sue’s passing, started crying and said, “Who’s going to dress him now?” This is only one of many illustrations of the fact that much of what I am came from her. We were truly one, and I thank the Lord for that great blessing.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of faith and wisdom.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom” (Proverbs 31:25-26, NASB). Sue was a woman of great strength and dignity because she allowed God’s Word to permeate her life. Because of this, she had confidence about the future. We were looking forward to retiring and traveling together to see so many things we never had a chance to see. God, in His sovereignty, chose to interrupt those plans. I don’t know why He did that, but I do know that He knows best. I am looking forward to the day that I can not only know that fact but also experience it in my heart and in my emotions.

The tendency among humans in a situation of loss is to feel cheated or gypped. In reality, we must be thankful for what we have rather than complain about what we don’t have. Sue kept a little flip chart of Scripture verses and wise sayings in the kitchen, one page for each day of the year, and when I got back from Modesto, I noticed the saying and Scripture verse from July 13, the day she died. It said, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not but rejoices for those which he has.” (Epictetus). The related Scripture was, “But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.” (Psalm 13:5-6, NASB).

Ironic? Yes. Coincidence? Definitely not. The Lord knew I needed to see that. I pray that I will go beyond believing it to feeling it. I know that God does not love me any less now than He did before He took my wonderful Sue home to be with Him. I need to trust in His unfailing love and realize that He has been good to me.

Proverbs 5:18 says to “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” That was certainly something to which I was looking forward, and we both looked with eager anticipation to that day when we could retire, travel, and enjoy each other. For whatever reason, known only to the Lord, that is not going to happen now. Nevertheless, Sue’s future is extremely bright now that she is in the presence of her Savior and is seeing all the beauty of Heaven, beauty which causes all earthly beauty to pale by comparison. She loved the beauty that is here, even though it is the beauty of a sin-cursed earth. I cannot even begin to imagine the beauty she is seeing now.

Sue’s simple trust in the Lord and in His Word made her a woman of great wisdom. She never did consider herself particularly smart or intelligent, although I disagreed with her on that. However, that is really of little importance. Too many today value intelligence, or even cleverness, as valuable assets. The best Biblical synonym for the word “clever” that I can find is “guile.” As believers, we are to be without guile.

God’s Word instructs us to be wise, but nowhere does it say to be clever or even smart. Although Sue and I have both been conservative and very careful not to make hasty decisions over the years, there have been many times that I have listened to my wife’s Godly wisdom, and I thank the Lord I did. The biggest regret I have in ministry is related to a time, when because of male stubbornness, I did not heed her wisdom, and we both paid a heavy price for my decision. I truly had a wife of great wisdom, and I thank the Lord that I had enough wisdom to include her in decisions.

The Proverbs 31 woman is kind.

“And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26, NASB). Later chapters will describe the many acts of kindness that continually came from this woman named Sue Livesay. Suffice it to say here that her kindness was genuine and never waited for an invitation. She simply did for others what she perceived was needed. Any time she knew about anyone who was hurting in any way or had a special need, she was on the scene doing what she could to soothe the hurt and meet the need. Never did she look for glory or public acknowledgement that she had done anything. She was content to know that the Lord knew and that someone’s life had been made a little brighter by her words and deeds. Nothing really came out on this earth about all the many acts of kindness she did until her memorial service, and since she was already in Heaven, she lost none of her rewards because of it.

The Proverbs 31 woman takes care of her family.

“She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all’” (Proverbs 31:27-29, NASB). I have already touched on some of the many ways Sue took such good care of our home and family. Our sons all know what they owe their mom. Not only did they inherit their artistic and musical talents from her, but she nurtured those talents. She was, in large part, responsible for what they all have become today. They all love their mom dearly, and I praise her, giving no second thought to saying, “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all” (Proverbs 31:29, NASB). I could not have loved and adored her more. She was God’s precious gift to me.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of inner beauty.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised…and let her works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:30-31, NASB).

Sue was a beautiful woman, inside and outside. That very thing was said to me by one of the nurses in ICU, and it is so very true. However, outward beauty does eventually fade, but the real beauty of a godly woman is the inward beauty that shines through no matter how long she may live and how old she may become. “Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” (I Peter 3:3-4, NASB). My wife, beautiful on the outside, even more beautiful on the inside, has been, and continues to be, praised by the works that were so evident in her life. To have had the privilege of living my life with such a woman by my side was a blessing beyond compare.

Sue was truly a Proverbs 31 Woman. As a result, I believe her rewards in Heaven are great. As the song says, “Little things that you had done, sacrifices made, unnoticed on the earth, in Heaven, now proclaimed.” (Thank You, by Ray Boltz, Copyright 1988 Gaither Music/ASCAP, All rights reserved.)

Her treasures are surely stored up in Heaven. “But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:20-21, NASB).